“replace the lies with truth”

Sorry for the lack of articles here on the site, I have been traveling.   So far I just spent a week in central PA and next I am on my way to spend a few days in Chicago.  Regular articles will be coming soon!

Michael Causer, a 19-year-old teen was beaten viciously in what police are calling an anti-gay hate attack on Friday, July 25, 2008.   He remains in critical condition after requiring brain surgery as a result of the attack.   His family notes that Michael is a rather small kid who “wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

3 Suspects have been arrested in the crime and details of the attack should emerge with time.   In the meanwhile, my thoughts and hopes go out to Michael, his family and the community around him.   Hate crimes create victims far beyond those attack.   Now others in the community will live in fear of this happening to them.

Hat tip to Ex-Gay Watch.

Please join the facebook group in Support of this young lad!

I report today with sadness, that a man walked into a church this week, shot and killed two people and wounded physically and emotionally, countless others.   He blames his actions on his frustration with the beliefs of others based on the labels and groupings they were given.  We use all sorts of labels to sort people into groups.  Words like liberal, conservative,  socialite, heathen, degenerate, good, bad, right, wrong, and reprobate are all words that stop us from seeing what is alive in others and ourselves.   Such labels disconnect us from seeing the human qualities in others because we are too busy seeing into what label category they will fall.  Rather than seeing the human beauty of any person, we see their label and carry with us the preconceived notions of what that label means to us.   We have assumed more about the person based on the label given to them, than we have taken the time to connect and find out in truth.   Such labels are great and telling people what we think they “are” but do little to meet anyone’s needs or bring anything alive in them, out of them.

Often these labels we put on people become prophecies.    We label our children as “difficult learners” and what do you know?  They become that.   We call some people “under-achievers” and they become the label given.  No point in proving the label wrong is there?  Why would any child want to become more when we started off calling them “learning disabled.”  Essentially, we have pre-programed the child to believe about themselves that they cannot learn.

We do the same sort of stuff in this thing labeled the “culture war.”   In most of my dealings with those on the opposing side of this culture war, I am referred to by a variety of names.  None of which really has anything to do with me, but more to do with what other people (mainly those calling me these names) “THINK” of me.   I am learning that telling people what we “think” of them does little to meet anyone’s needs.   It doesn’t tell us what they are needing and it doesn’t tell them what we are needing.   So what does it do?   It morally judges them.  That is it.   Labels are just a way of morally judging others.

It goes both ways too!   We can say that so and so was a good man, but all we are going it saying what we think he was.   We made another moral judgment of this person.    We can say that little Johnny is a “well-behaved boy” but telling him what we think he is does little to meet his needs as a human.

Clinical psychologist, Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, notes that every behavior we have, everything we do is in service of meeting our needs.   Regardless what they need is, every action we take is to meet a need.   He also notes that every feeling we have is caused by our needs being met or not met.   We are happy when our needs are met and we are unhappy when our needs are not met.    Once we discover this, a beautiful world opens up.   We can suddenly ask ourselves what need is being met by our actions.   What feeling are we having and what has been met or not met to cause this feeling.

When we realize that our feelings are caused by our needs being met or not met, we also realize that other people are never the cause of our feelings.   No one “made us” feel the way we do.  We own and can take responsibility for our own feelings.    If I am feeling sad and needing connection with others, it is my need that makes me sad not that others are bad people who don’t love me.   If I am feeling energized by reading a book I like, it isn’t the book that made me happy.   It is my need to learn being met.   I could gain the same feeling by reading a different book that again meets my need to learn.

If we shift the world away from these labels we put on people and shifted towards seeing people’s feelings and needs, then we can start connecting with others.  Seeing them as humans not “things.”   It is easier to see someone as a person, not a liberal or conservative.   It is easier to see someone as a human not a reprobate or a saved christian.   We see people for “who” they are rather than “what” they are and with that we see the beauty that makes us human.  It also means we would have people whose needs are met.   People’s whose needs are met don’t tend to go around shooting people.

It has been awhile since I have written about Mark over at Chester Street.   I am only doing it today because I see a great teaching opportunity for the message the I mainly promote here on this site.  That would be peace.

Mark writes a long tirade that jumps from not supporting a Christian Father to use god as a therapist to how I am a threat to American Families to why incest in not supported.   The gamut of things covered in his post is more than I am going to acknowledge.  I am going to touch on on a few key points Mark has made.

I do hear that Mark may be angry and would value more respect from me to this father’s religious beliefs.    I also hear that he is doubtful that I really care about tolerance and diversity and would like some clarity that tolerance is really one of my values.    I can’t do much to change those things, but I did want to acknowledge that I hear Mark. Should he request something of me to fill his needs for clarity and respect, I would try to accommodate that.

Mark writes:

To claim a Father is “damaging” their child because they remain faithful to God’s word (The Truth) regarding homosexuality and sexual boundaries, is clear evidence just how far you desire to persecute those that disagree with you - all under the phony guise of “tolerance”.

Mark is referring to an earlier post where I suggested strongly that a Christian father get their stepson some professional clinical help.  My issue with this statement of reply from Mark is that “god” hasn’t got much of a record when parents choose him for a doctor.   In recent years, how many children with treatable, if not curable diseases, died while their parents waited for god to answer their prayers.  I am sticking with science here.   God hasn’t much of a reputation for answering prayers.   Most prayers or medical miracles end up being things they could have healed themself anyway.   We never hear of war vets growing back a limb despite the prayers.  We instead hear of ironic miracles where one person survives a plane crash where dozens were killed and their survival is a miracle.  What about those that died?

When it comes to the well being and safety of children, I want proven science to help.  God doesn’t have enough of a reputation for being helpful for me to want him involved.

Next Mark continues:

You and all the “likes” of your poisonous logic are indeed a threat to every American family. It did not go unnoticed you purposely wrote “good intentions“ - why? because the word “good” is relative in your world - not objective. When the Truth is dependent upon the person holding the belief, anything can become “true”. This would be absurd to most folks, but very convenient for you.

All in one post Mark has stated all the things that I am.  I am a reprobate and a threat to the American Family.  Mark has done an amazing job at telling the world what he thinks I am, but I am not sure what benefit this serves to tell people what they are.   Who is Mark to tell me who I am or what I am.   How does this awaken in me a desire to do anything for Mark or even talk with Mark?   What good came of Mark telling me “what” he thinks I am.

Mark goes on after that to address incest and make a challenge to me I have no interest or reason to respond at this time.   I don’t know about incest.  I haven’t read much about it and I am not going to.   I might have some thought on it, but I am not going to respond to his “demands” to do anything.  Had Mark thought to make a clear request of me to do something, I might have considered it, but like most people I am not giving in to demands or challenges.  FInd someone else for that.

You can read Mark’s post over at his site and the other posts here in the archive.   I am not going to go any further than I have with this.   I really don’t want Mark to have anymore attention then he gets.

It is official.  I have left Rhode Island and my beautiful home has been sold.   I now live in New Haven, Connecticut in a cute but humble apartment not far from the Scientology headquarters.  Has that for ironic?

This move was stressful and has some remaining challenges, but overall I have enjoyed this change.   Change is always stressful to some degree because we leave our comfort zones and now are forced to create new comfort zones.   I do feel liberated that I don’t have a huge house to clean and maintain.  I have a small place that allows me more time to do other things.   I am still a bit shocked by a few things, like my lack of a dishwasher and I now need to go to a laundry mat, but I also see those things as new opportunities to break away from the norms of life and simplify.    As I have said before, I would like to live simply so others can simply live.

My partner and I did stop off in Mass before leaving Rhode Island so we could get legally married.  Here in CT, this will only be seen as a civil union, but that is all legal mumbo jumbo that gets us health benefits.   The real heart and soul of our marriage is the commitment we have made to be partners in the journey of life.   We have done well at that.   Despite this move being difficult, we have been energized by the fact we have done this together.   I was feeling scared of this move, but it allows my partner to take a great job that he really wanted.   I am happy to have supported that.

Regular updates here at the blog will return as I get more settled.  Right now, I need to go look for a job!

Roy, I am posting your story about your step son.  I hope that the readers here will have compassion for you and even more for your step son.   I am deeply concerned about him and what damage your “good intentions” could have for him.   I urge you to take him to see a licensed, clinician and get him some real help.

Here is Roy’s original comment,  Please reply with compassion, empathy and love.

Roy writes:

I apologize for the way and words I used in my comment.Yes I am angry but I do not hate gays.Its the spirit that I hate.I have known since I met my wife 2 years ago that her son is gay. I knew it at first glance.It took awhile for me to convince her of it and after catching him on dozens of gay sex positions websites that were fantasy creatures she now knows the truth.I use to not believe in God until 1998 but something happened in my life that took me into a dark place that was beyond description.All I wanted to do is die to escape the pain within.I did something I swore I would never do.I turned to God.It took years to grow in me because of my old way of thinking.Im 54 years old.It takes awhile to change so many years of thinking but I persisted and in my growing I realized I could sense spirits good and bad.It is like a magnet that pushes away from itself.I dont have to know you but stand beside you to sense good or bad spirits.I know from the replys to my comment that this sounds like sci-fi to you since you dont believe in God.Having said that Ill get back to my step son.He is 16 years old, extremly inteligent but he is torn apart inside.He isolates himself.He has no friends.Hes afraid of every thing.He has no passion or ambition or dreams.He doesn,t listen to music or care for cell phones.His life is basicaly empty.I know for a fact that he is fighting with a spirit of perversion and hes fighting it because of it being against the way we were designed,not because he has been tought that its wrong or from other sources.I love my son and no matter what choice he makes I,ll still love him but I will never stop tring to help him escape from this evil spirit that carries many spirits with it such as deception that keeps you from seeing the truth and excepting this as normal.You compared yourself to an animal by saying that their same sex behavior is normal, so it must be right for you too.Where do you think that kind of thinking comes from? You have given in to this same sex spirit because you couldn,t beat it with out God in your life.You can claim it normal until hell freezes over which it wont but you know deep inside of you that its wrong and against nature.All of us that makes wrong choices including myself will usually try to justify by dening or blameing or just simply give up on fighting and give in to what is wrong for us and to others.I did come on too strong in my comment and I was wrong for that.I know that spirits are hard to beat especially the gay spirit.I also know its easier to give in than it is to fight.What you started out to know was wrong has become a life style that you think is normal.If you rely on the quacks of science or man in general to convince you that they have the answer for all the world to know,well its just another source of deception that people looking for justification for what they know is wrong.Trying to prove nature is wrong.The law of gravity says if you jump off a cliff you will definitly fall down.How can you not think that there are natural forces and laws that are seen and unseen?Stop thinking with your gay spirit which will be hard to do and you,ll see the unseen.It isnt me that wants you to think my way, its simply a spirit that wants true peace for all of us.Its you that wants the world to except unnatural acts which will never happen.I am against violence for gay people but as I said,”breaking laws of nature has its price to pay.I have a battle to fight with the spirit in my son and with Gods help we will win.Im sorry you are lost to this choice of sin that you choose.As in Sodom you will be destroyed and punished for your choice and tring to convince our children that you are normal.God said” that you are an abomination to him meaning you disgust him and are an insult to his creation.
The many things that gays have in common is they are against Gods existance or are angry at Him.All evil forces are against God.Why is it that you dont believe in God?Could it be denial as I was in when I use to say there is no God?Even when I use to say that, I could feel something tug at me as I know you do.Yes I know more about nature than you do, that is obvious.Try one little prayer such as “God open my eyes to the truth.It starts with one step.I know Joe that you are lost.Your reply to me in all you said proves you and all that believe like you are still but even more a threat to family morals and our children by putting out a message that you are normal and society is wrong for not condoning your bahavior.A lot of the public is in your favor and this makes you all the more the threat but none the less,good will overcome.AS I said Its not you that I hate and remember that we are not like animals.

I got a rather heated and passionate comment here on the site and I wanted to do my best to reply with the most amount of compassion that I could.  I do not believe responding in hate to hate is helpful, compassion to others is helpful, so here goes (my replies are in blue):

Roy Martin |

Any thing that goes against the laws of nature has negative consiquences.All of you gay people think you have the right to infest your evil sex acts and desease on society.

Well, Roy, you did a good job at telling us what we think, but you have to admit you don’t really know what we think.  It does sound like you are concerned for safety and needing to know that you are safe from disease.  I can tell you that you are safe.

You say you were born that way but God did not create gay people.It is an evil spirit and you make the choice to except it just as drug users and murderers and child molesters do.They all have an excuse just as you do.

Roy, when I see you equate gays with evil, child molesters and murderers, I feel sad and angry.  I need to be seen as authentic and real.   I would never wish harm on a child, nor as a follower of nonviolence would I kill or harm another.  It just isn’t in my values.   I need for you to see me as transparent and human, because I am.  Please let me know how I am can bring that compassion out of you.

You get angry at people and society if we bash your unnatural acts.If we except gay as normal then whats wrong with having sex with animals and children even our own daughters and sons.

Here Roy, you have gone down the slippery slope trail.  I am not attracted to members of the opposite sex.  I am attracted to member of the same sex.  That doesn’t include relatives or children and certainly not animals.    I just don’t have any attraction to the opposite sex and I never have.  I do have an attraction to the same sex.  With that said, I found a nice guy and we have been together for 8 years.

We can say we were born that way.If we except gay rights then it will be only a matter of time that all of these evil things that are against our design and laws of nature will be rampant on this earth.

Roy, if I read your words correctly, it sounds like you are concerned and afraid that if society accept gays and lesbians that the safety of the future is at risk.   I am inspired by your need for safety for all.  I hear your need for laws that protect us, all.  I can only say that we gays and lesbians wish for the sane safety for this earth.

Its not your fault that this evil unclean spirit came into you but its your fault to choose to keep it.

I feel uneasy here Roy, as I don’t believe in spirits, but I also DO believe in science and research.  So far, we understand that having same sex attractions is normal and natural.  Many animals in the world, including humans have same sex attractions.   It isn’t a choice.   Many gays and lesbians tried with all their might to change and couldn’t.   I would request that you explore those stories and see the humanity in the struggles.  We are not talking about monsters or demons, but people.

You know good and well its wrong and perverted to no end.

Actually, no.   I don’t know that nor do I agree with it.  I think these labels of wrong and right are dangerous and promote violence.   We all know what the TV taught us, that the guys who are wrong suffer without any acknowledgement of their humanity.   I hope you are able to see this lable process of words we use is hurting more people than it helps.

You also know and believe in right and wrong.

 No, I don’t.  I did until I learned that this are just labels we use to put people into boxes that lead to violence.  I stop when I learned that.   Now I have replaced those terms with new words that remove the “deserve” language and replace it with needs met or not meet.  It promotes less violence.

I also believe that you probably dont believe in God but im willing to bet you believe that you believe there is a satan.

Nope, I don’t.   So don’t bet much, you lose.  I don’t believe in supernatural stuff at all.  No ghosts, no spirits, no gods , no demons.   I just don’t buy into it.

Your anger really isnt against people like me.

Anger, I have none.   I am not angry Roy, I am worried and concerned that we are on a path that will bring us all down in the name of gods who do not exist. I see the evidence everyday as well kill, discriminate and treat others like crap in the name of gods we cannot prove exist.

Its against yourself for the fact that you are weak and pathetic and an insult to all that is good and natural.

I was sad when I read these words.  You did a good job of telling me “what” I am, but you have never met me.   Would it not have been more productive to tell me what you feel and need?  How can I meet your needs or make changes in the world if you have told me what you think I am rather than what you need and feel?  Try again, I will listen.

Stop looking at those against you and look at yourself.

Roy, I have spent a lifetime of 40 years looking at myself.  Did you really think you could change anything I have learned or concluded with one comment on my blog, that calls me names and tells me I am evil, perverted, weak and pathetic.  Why would I listen to anything you have to say when all you do is call me names and insult me?  If you want to reach gays and lesbians with a message from god, you might want to start by speaking in words that make them want to listen rather than words that make then want to ignore you.  Just a suggestion.

Your the one that wimps out to bad choice not us.

So, it sounds like you would like us to make choices that agree with you?  Do I have that correct?

I have children that need to be protected from you and your kind including any one that thinks its normal.

I am sad to hear you believe this, but It sounds like there isn’t much I can say to change your mind.  I can tell you I have a big family and they don’t share your belief that anyone needs to be protected from me or people like me.   I am disappointed you feel this way, that is why they call it homophobia.  It means people are scared of gay people and feel they need protection.  People like James Dobson, Peter LaBarbera, Stacy Harp and Matt Barber have put that fear into you that you feel you need protection from people like me or my kind.   I bet if you spent a day with me, you would learn that isn’t true.  I invite you to spend a day with me and my partner.  You will learn that isn’t true.

You are a disgrace to man kind and God and our children and schools and family morals.

Gee Thanks, I guess.  You have done a great job at judging people like me and telling us “what” we are by calling us a disgrace to man kind, but how is that helping anyone to tell them “what” they are?  I would feel so much more confident if you would tell us what you are requesting of us rather than the moral judgments of what you think we are.   I believe telling us what you want, feel and need will be more productive then your judgments of what we are.

I hope I answered your concerns Roy, and stayed respectful of your beliefs.   Please feel free to comment again.

Peace,

-Joe Brummer,

Writer and Owner of Replace the lies with Truth

You can read the original comment here

UPDATES:  Roy has returned and left lots of comments.  I don’t have time to answer them now, but I will over the next few days.  I have been without cable or internet, so it won’t be till I have the new hook ups.

(I’ve posted this on my blog as well)

I see Stacy has written about me and Joe yet again(Kevin and Joe are Getting “Married“), even though a couple of months ago she said she never would.  Oh well.  Today she writes about my wedding and Joe Brummer’s wedding.  She isn’t very happy with it.  Oh well.  She wasn’t on my guest list anyway!  :)

I find it very strange that her biggest complaint about my marriage to Doug is that we haven’t planned it out for 8 months like she did with her marriage.  I remember once when a friend from college was getting married.  We went out to dinner with he and his wife after the marriage.  His wife showed us her ring and said;  “I told John that I wouldn’t marry him unless I had at least a 1/2 carat diamond ring.”  She was dead serious.  I know of couples who have spent months and months preparing for their wedding.  I’ve been in a wedding as one of the groomsman and I remember going through the paces–stand here, do this, do that.  All the while I was thinking–how is this related to the joy of getting married?  Stacy claims she spent 8 months preparing for hers.  Funny, I don’t remember reading anything in the Bible about a protracted planning stage for a wedding. I don’t remember reading anything in the Bible about spending lots and lots of money preparing for the wedding, or the necessity of pretty balloons and flowers.  Stacy states:

We had about 200 people come, flowers, balloons, a nice reception, church ceremony, rehearsal dinner, bridal shower, bachelor party - in other words, the whole works.

“The whole works”?  Do pretty balloons make a wedding better than another wedding?  Does the rehearsal dinner make a wedding better than another wedding?  We aren’t having a bridal shower, well, because neither of us are brides and these are usually just parties for the bride-to-be to gather presents.  I’m not interested in getting presents from people.  For me that isn’t what getting married is all about. 

She also states that they spent only 8 months preparing.  Sorry Stacy, Doug and I have you beat on that one by a long shot–we’ve been together since February 1992.  I’ll let her do the math.  Besides, Doug and I had a commitment ceremony in 1995.  We registered as domestic partners in Ann Arbor Michigan in 1994 and again in Berkeley, CA in 1996 and again as Registered Domestic Partners in California in 2006.  It isn’t as if we just met and decided to get married.  Besides, what if that is what we decided to do?  Gosh, lots of straight couples have gotten married on a whim and their marriage is as real as Stacy’s and will be as real as mine.

And she asks about the cake?  Maybe we should make it a competition and go out and order the biggest, tallest cake I can find so that when all of our friends show up on the 20th, I can boast that I have the biggest cake.  And how about if I go get the biggest, brightest balloons?  That way I can boast to all of our friends that we are the best out of all of them and no one can compete with the way we can celebrate our marriage?  I guess that would make it a real marriage for Stacy.  Maybe that is what she thinks a marriage should be, but I don’t. 

Again, for Stacy it is all about show.  She spent eight months planning her wedding, not for the marriage itself, but to show off to her friends and relatives.  You can see it here in her own words:

If it was me, I would be making sure I had a HUGE party and wedding. I’d invite hundreds of people (well, actually I did do that) and make sure the whole world knew I was one million percent committed to my man.

And:

And I remember when I was all dressed in white and the music started to play and the whole congregation stood to honor me and I walked down the carpeted aisle toward my groom.

A marriage to me isn’t about showing the world I am committed.  It is about showing Doug that I am committed to him.  Of course, it is important to let our friends and family celebrate our wedding with us, but it isn’t about everyone else.  For me it isn’t about a fancy cake.  Or pretty balloons.  It isn’t about having 100s of guests. It isn’t about having people ‘honor’ me.  It isn’t a competition to see whose is bigger.  It is about my love for Doug.  That is what my upcoming marriage is all about.

In an effort to help promote NVC, I ask that you leave a comment on the YouTube website about this video.  The idea is that it will raise it in the ranks so more people become exposed to the process of Nonviolent Communication.   I would ask that you add this video to your blogs as well and ask your readers to also comment on the video.

 Jeremy over at Good As You has been nominated for “This Brave Nationa Young Activist Award”.  I would request that you go over and give him a plug.  Whether you agree or disagree with the cause, you have to admit that Jeremy is a great activist who really tries to take the high road.   I appreciate the style, respect and sense of nonviolence that he displays in his work.  I hope you will go over and vote for him. (Click the picture to vote)

Sadly, not everyone has such warm feelings for Jeremy.

One anti-gay blogger writes:

And just because Hooper has a really BIG ego, he’s begging his readers to go and vote for him at this site that has nominated him for their award. I went over and voted for someone else, just because I could. And I’m asking you to do the same, it doesn’t matter who it is, just don’t vote for Jeremy.

I was shocked when I read the above paragraph because it seems to have such intentions to be hurtful.  The writer is asking that you vote for others just so Jeremy will lose.  I was sad to see anyone asking for ill will to anyone.  I could see asking readers to vote for another candidate but to ask people to vote against someone really goes against my values.  I really wish the world wasn’t like this, but sadly it is.  There are people in the world I don’t agree with but I always wish the best for them.  I would ask others to do the same.

A while back I told you about my desire to live a more simple life.  I really want to change the set up of my life to be more in tune with what I value in the world.  A large part of that was selling my house and getting a smaller place.  I have in fact managed to do just that.   My partner and I have sold our house in Rhode Island and we are moving to another state where we will have a small 2 bedroom apartment.  Being only a half mile from my partner’s new job, we will be able to ditch one of our cars.  We can use either public transportation, car pool or get a bike.  Any of these choices will help to reduce our carbon footprint on the earth, but also allow us to save money on car upkeep, insurance, gas and energy.  We are both excited about this and even more enthusiastic about how doing this together has been rewarding to our relationship.

Downsizing from a 1900 square foot house on 2 acres of land is liberating.   We will be making a nice donation to the Salvation Army, and giving away some other stuff to help out friends in need.  I am learning that stuff is just that, just stuff. Our new apartment is around 1000 square feet.  We won’t have room to continuing lugging around all this stuff.  It is time to let it go.  Having less stuff means for me, that I can appreciate the things I do have.   It means enjoying the solace of knowing that I haven’t got a bunch of stuff taking up space that I don’t need.

It will also be much cheaper to heat and will require less cleaning, this leaving more free time for us to do other things.  I am relieved that I can spend my time on things that make me feel alive like photography, music, writing, and friends.  I have always loved the quote from Howard Thurman when a student asked him what career he could choose that the world needs.  Thurman replied, “Don’t ask yourself what it is the world needs.   Ask yourself what makes you come alive and do that.  What the world needs is more people to come alive.” I am looking forward to doing just that.

Since we are mainly moving because my partner has taken a teaching position at a University, I won’t have a job when we get there.   I have more than a few friends in Rhode Island who respect my work here and who have offered to make some calls to help me get a job in my current field, but I am actually content with not having a job right away.  As I grow closer to 40 years old, I have really been taking inventory of my life.   It goes back to the quote above by Thurman.  Am I really doing with my life that which will make me come alive?  I don’t know that I am (I also don’t know that I am not.)  What is beautiful is that this current situation has put me in a place where I don’t really have to jump into any decisions about it.  I can take some time off to think about it.

I really want to teach peace to others who need it.  I want to do art festivals and sell my work.   I want to take Yoga and learn Thai Chi.  I want to spend more time doing mediation.  I would value knowing that I am working for the love of the things I do, as opposed to just doing them because they pay for the stuff I can get.  I would rather have the smaller house and more time to live.  It means enjoying the stuff I have in my life rather than having a life to get more stuff.

I recently presented my first workshop in Nonviolent Communication for a behavioral health treatment organization.   I had the participants fill out evaluations about the workshop to give me some feedback on what came alive for them while attending.  The answers gave me great inspiration.  I was happy to see that what I had done had really met some needs for others.  I was even more warmed to see the workshop left others feeling happy.  I followed this with a guest appearance on a cable access program where I had a chance to talk about mental health advocacy,  the importance of voting and then explained the process of Nonviolent Communication as it was developed by Marshall Rosenberg, PhD.  I haven’t seen the tape of the show, but I know that it is airing on Rhode Island cable access for all of July.

This wonderful experience has been followed by the news that I may be going to the International Intensive Training in NVC in December with Marshall Rosenberg.  I am very excited as this meets my need to immerse myself in this process, so I can really master it.   NVC is way of speaking that connects people to what is alive in them and others.   It is also a conscientiousness that helps us live a life that contributes to peace, not violence.  I am energized by the idea and the possibilities of that.

To add cherries on top of the sundae of other exciting things going on around me, I got a phone call today inviting me to serve on an advisory panel for a restorative justice mediation program representing the victim perspective of crime.   This is a wonderful way to take my experience of surviving a violent crime and turning that pain into the beauty of change, of living Gandhi’s suggestion that we should be the change we wish to see in the world.

That brings me to my final thought today.  I realize I have not been writing as much here on the blog.  I also haven’t been covering all the exciting events happening in the news for GLBT folks.   I have shyed away from giving anti-gay advocates that otherwise would be unknown, anymore of a platform than they have alreay tried to create for themselves.   I don’t want to contribute to their popularity.  It is a fine line to draw between drawing attention to their misinformation and giving them attention that feeds their drive to spread more misinformation.  I think some thrive on the attention we give them.    I will remain uneasy about how to proceed with that, but want to make sure the things I do contribute to the well being of others, not make it worse.

I will be posting updates on the move and on my new adventure.   I will also soon have more time to look at the other stuff I have not been posting about and deciding if I should post on it some more.   Stay tuned….

A good friend of mine sent me this today.  She thought that I would find it inspiring and I did!

“Often times I have hated in self-defense; if I were stronger I would not have used such a weapon.”   Kahlil Gibran

Why will no Christians or religious folks answer this question.  I have been asking for years, but never get a straight answer.

“If god is all knowing, and knew before creating you that you would burn in hell and suffer…

why did he create you?”

Sometimes, just the absurdity and outlandishness of the claims of anti-gay folks are what makes them so interesting.  I am not sure the point of this one, but it is outlandish enough that it doesn’t really matter.   As I have said dozens of times on this site.   Sooner or later the anti-gay folks will be defeated by the fact that the neighbors, friends, co-workers and family we actually “are” don’t look like the monsters they make us out to “be.”

UPDATE:  I suppose I should have pointed out that a few things about this story.   The post I link to claims that an HRC spokesperson named Dr. Pat Pride says “blah, blah”.  This is no Pat Pride.    The story is false and made up solely by the Christian author to try and connect gays and lesbians to incest.  Hence the reason, I call the post outlandish.   The Christian writer than links to a site for “Sarcasm.”  Personally, I don’t see the point of it other than to create more fear of gays. 

This is an excert written by Stephen Law, a philosopher and proponent of Nonviolence.

Terror in Palestine: A Non-Violent Alternative?

Stephen Law

In this volume, the philosophers Ted Honderich and Tomis Kapitan argue that Palestinians have a moral right to use terrorism. Honderich’s and Kapitan’s arguments differ. For example, Honderich’s is rooted in his Principle of Humanity, while Kapitan develops a justification within something like the framework of ‘just war theory’. Nevertheless, both arguments conclude that Palestinian terrorism has been justified in at least some instances. And both rest on a key premise: that the Palestinians have had available to them no viable alternative to the use of terrorism. Honderich writes:

that the Palestinians’ only means to a viable state has been and may still be terrorism is something about which I myself have no doubt. Evidently it is a factual proposition in need of support. There is enough in the history of Palestine and Israel to lead me to think that the disinterested people who say the Palestinians had and have an alternative to terrorism are less moved by history and fact than by abhorrence for terrorism. The feeling cannot settle the question (Honderich 2008, xx).

Kapitan argues that non-violent methods are unlikely to end the existential threat he believes the Palestinian community faces. He says,

[t]he Palestinians have repeatedly used techniques of non-violence in combating the Israeli occupation… and have sought and received the help of like-minded Israelis, but to no avail. (Kapitan 2008, xx)

Here I raise a question mark over this denial that there is an effective, non-violent alternative to terror open to the Palestinian people.

What is non-violent resistance?

Most non-violent resistance falls under one of three broad headings:

Acts of protest and persuasion. These include vigils, public meetings, marches and demonstrations. Protesters may wear badges, put up posters, place flowers in guns.

Non-cooperation. Citizens may refuse to cooperate socially, politically and economically. They may boycott sporting events, refuse to pay taxes or carry identity cards. They may refuse to work, or, if they are in the armed forces, to fight.

No-violent intervention. This includes actions designed to frustrate the activities and institutions deemed to be unjust. They include sit-ins, occupations and blockades.

These are just a few illustrations. There is a huge range of non-violent techniques protestors can apply. For those interested, Gene Sharp, an academic and leading advocate of non-violence, has listed one hundred and ninety-eight non-violent techniques. (The list is available at http://www.peacemagazine.org/198.htm.)

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